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By Ensaf Haidar, Wife of Imprisoned Saudi Arabian Activist Raif Badawi

I still pursue that mirage…two years have passed and I am still faced with a scorching.

When will he be back, and in what condition?��What will I put on, and how will I react? Should I hug him, kiss him, or should I cry?

I wake up to the torture inflicted upon me by our children’s questions, like: “Mom, will we be leaving tomorrow without Dad, to fly from Beirut to Canada? Will I be afraid of flying? Dad used to help me overcome my fear.”

Eventually I gave in to the increasing persistence of my three angels, who kept pounding me with questions about thereason behind their father’s long and strange absence.

Without meaning to, I told them that he is banned from travelling abroad because of a problem with the Saudi regime. This only led to more questions, and I ended up wishing I had not answered any in the first place.

First thing one recent morning, a telephone call from one of Raif’s friends woke me up. He had attended Raif’s trial back in Riyadh on May 7, 2014. He told me that��of six years and 600 lashes.

I hung up the phone and was overcome with anxiety and stress before bursting into tears. I pulled myself together and recalled that Raif had promised me that he will come back – I do not know when, but he promised me he will!

Every opportunity I get, I always reiterate the same message to the Saudi government. They know very well that��Raif is no criminal;��instead, he is a����The authorities have to abide by the international treaties that provide for the freedom of expression. I wonder whether or not they will ever heed my words.